randallCbennett[dot]com

First Impressions

This post is very introspective, and not meant to be mean. It’s the state of how I’m feeling right this moment, and is a pretty clear view into my soul. Please understand this isn’t meant to hurt anyones feelings, but more of an avenue for me to outlet how I’m feeling.

I never realized how crucial first impressions are, until today. I was thinking about my chosen career path of quitting my steady, easy and mind numbing job as a broadcast designer at a local TV station. I’ve felt like I haven’t received very much support from my family, and it’s been a source of contention among me and my siblings, at least from my perspective. Now, some of my family members say they’re supportive, but I don’t feel like they truly support me, and I know why…. First impressions.

When I tell a person about my new career choice, the determination as to whether they support me or not comes from the first contact. A reaction of “Oh… well can you really afford to do that?” results in a gut feeling of “they hate me, and think my career choice is stupid.”
However, a reaction of, “That sounds awesome! You could totally make that work,” followed by, “You’re probably not going to make a ton of money at first, but you’ll make it up in the long run, right?” would feel more positive. In both cases, the concerns are completely valid, especially in the situation of my roomate-sis where I’m helping contribute to our household rent financially, but in both scenarios the conditionally of support is broached differently.

If you’re reading this, offer your support first and criticisms second. I don’t know how any of my family really feels about my two businesses and freelance writing career, but I feel like most of them hate the idea. I feel like my sis’s-in-law (all three of them!) are the most supportive of my ideas, and allow me the most leeway. They were also the ones who supported my New York journey, when everyone else met it with skepticism.

The safe way is the easy way, but not necessarily the best way. Please, support first, ask questions later. I’m not saying I’m starting to shoot heroin or commit any other sort of illegal activity, nor am I renouncing anything especially close to my heart, but if anyone reading this (in my family, not you J, nor you Josh) wants to know why I get depressed and feel like the world is against me, it’s mainly because I feel like my family was / kind of still is against my decision. Whether that’s true or not, I don’t really know, but the first impression feels like the truest impression… hence why I feel unsupported. Any impression after the first feels like it’s making up for a disappointment in my reaction to your reaction.

I’d love to say “OK, time to start over, and now tell me all how you really feel,” but it doesn’t really work like that. I know my Dad supports me, at least on the surface, and has some confidence in my abilities, and that’s probably the most reassuring feeling of all. I guess I don’t really need anyone else to understand what I’m doing, nor have faith in it, but I’ll just have to call him when I’m feeling down and get a shot in the arm of excitement.